so, I am dying (ok not dying) but you know, anxiously waiting to see art school confidential. Really, the reviews I’ve read have either said it’s great or very highschooly. Well I still like some teen movies. Ferris Bueller is still one of my favorite movies as are all of the John Hughes Molly Ringwald movies from the 80s. I love annie potts character in pretty in pink. There, now you know how dorky I really am. wink Ok, but my favorite 80s teen movie, has got to be Better Off Dead with John Cusack.

Anyhow, I just can’t imagine if any movie can come close to the characters I knew in college…. It’s funny, I’m sure my friend Wender &; I passed each in halls of house parties or art receptions, but I honestly can’t remember. We kind of laugh about it now. I’m sure she was in one of the another art subcliques, which sort of all circled around the same parties, art/music/literary things, etc. Sometimes folks crossed over, sometimes not. So juvenile redrover; really. I had a rough time because I was trying to figure out how to overcome my social anxiety and complete introvertness, which kind of fit in perfectly with the tortured writer/despairing poet clique. Then I had my serious car accident, which left me walking around with post traumatic stress for a while. I would have been nice if someone had noticed (although I had a couple of teachers who asked me if I was ok), because I could have probably used some help. Instead, I withdrew more, put on my uniform of black and cynicism.

I still have problems with social anxiety, especially when I run into people from college or knew through the scene. It’s kind of weird really. I run into people all of the time. I know them, they know me, but we don’t talk to each other. It’s so weird. How do you explain?Excuse me, we do know each other and I don’t know why you don’t talk to me, but I’m working on my social anxiety which was often confused for being snobby or druggy, so how have you been?Do I give the list of folks I do know (still) as well as those that I dated and are long gone (hope never to see again?)

Of course, it doesn’t help that there were 3 red headed girls who looked similiarly and were often confused for each other (Heather, Lauren, and me). I think I did know the Heather (although I think you’d have to have been umm… wearing some bad glasses to mistake us for each other…) but Lauren, no clue. Their lives always seemed much more interesting than mine.

I think college is a crazy time anyhow, because alot of people try on characters and personalities like clothes (come on now, who really knows who they are/want to be with any seriousness in highschool?) Some of us just grew or settled, and the few people I know that haven’t changed at all seem kind of sad and dated. Although my personality hasn’t changed too much, the extreme parts have kind of fallen away or been rechanneled into healthier venues, as has the lack of confidence, and the need to try to prove myself as a person. Now, I’m more about trying to let the substance and the products that I produce (regardless of form) do the talking. I’m okay with that. Certainly if someone had told me when I was in college that I would actually be exhibiting art or writing online for the whole world (but mostly just my friends), I would have laughed them out of the room. What I am a little sad about is that I let my fears, insecurity, and introvertedness slow me down for so long and that I can still feel their pull sometimes.