anyhow for those of you missed Friday’s rant, sorry about that. I realize that I shouldn’t take the bait in that way and I really believe that people who belittle, insult, or deliberately exclude people (especially right in front of them or in this particular case, me) are really not worth bothering over, so I took the post down. You know, typical situation: the folks who would need to read it wouldn’t see it (or realize it was them) and the folks who didn’t need to see it would probably agonize that I meant them And it was a tad bit umm mean spirited. (..but it was a very stressful situation for me, having to pretend that this person was not getting under my skin, and then also getting mad at myself for letting that happen anyway)

Although I do believe that what comes around, goes around (karma), I also have a hard time not being affected by it, especially when the person is so blatantly obvious. You know, I don’t really care what folks say about me so much, but this person seems to have a tiny bit of influence, so I’d rather not try publically challenge them. The other thing is that I do feel a little hurt because I have always tried to give this person proper credit and been nothing but nice. I know that it’s insecurity and competitiveness that causes this person to put me down so. I do know that but…. I hate people who try to compete with me and I abhor competitiveness with others tremendously.

I think truly collaborative work is much better for everyone involved. Of course, even in works which on the surface appear to be collaborative, there are often the ‘stars’, directors, divas, and drama kings/queens, who try to run the show. I have always had to work and prove myself at everything I do. I’ve always said I want my work (whatever that may be) to stand on its own merit. Not of who I am, who my parents know (or don’t), not of who I know…. I’ve never known if that is really the good way to do things or not. I sometimes think I get overlooked because I am not jumping up shouting, look at me! I am sooo great! Although, as an artist, I do have to do a certain amount of self promotion, hence, one of the reasons behind this journal (although I hope it’s not so terribly promotional most of the time).

I do sometimes wonder if I turned into a DIVA whether I would have the same luck as those I know who are divas. But then, I probably wouldn’t like myself very much. Soo.